"Yo 50! There's skrilla in those crates!"

50 Cent: Blood on the Sand is awesome.


this is pretty awesome.

It's violent, vulgar, stupid, and awesome.

Last night I was about to go to bed early, since I'm not feeling well, but I saw 50 Cent staring at me from the shelf, unopened. I had received it weeks, maybe months, ago from Goozex. I added it to my que on a whim. I had a surplus of points, and thought it would be a good laugh. It came sealed in shrink-wrap with the security tape still on it, so it's previous owner obviously never even gave it a shot.

And I almost didn't either. But I decided to just give it a look. And I was immediately having a blast. It's like a big, dumb, action movie with a premise so ridiculous you can't help but laugh.

50's playing his last show of the tour, in some unspecified, war-torn, middle eastern city. As soon as he walks off stage, he checks his phone messages, finds out the money hasn't been paid for the show he was performed, and marches into the promoter's office with a shotgun demanding his 10 million.

The promoter can't pay, but gives Fifty a diamond-encrusted skull instead. Obviously better. But once on the road, the crew is ambushed and the skull get's stolen. So of course Fifty (accompanied by his G-Unit member of choice - I stuck mainly with DJ WhooKid) has to murder thousands of people, and about 7 helicopters, to get it back.

The game is tonally so bizarre, with Fifty constantly switching between affable pop-star, hunky hero and cold, cold, cold blooded murderer. He's obsessed with killin' fools who cross him and with breaking crates that spew spinning golden rings, sonic-style.

The voice over's are amazing. Everything Fifty says is awesome, and DJ WhooKid is even better. He's obviously incapable of saying any sentence without starting it with "Yo Fifty...!"

"Yo Fifty! Over there!" "Yo Fifty! Blast them mother fuckers!" "Yo Fifty! There's skrilla in those crates!" "Yo Fifty! Jump over that big-ass ramp!"

And, maybe most importantly, the game plays well. It plays similarly to Gears of War, but obviously lacks the polish. But not as much as you might think. It's faster, more arcade-y and less depended on cover. I eventually just realized Fifty was a walking tank and marched forward with guns blazing unless things got really hairy.

I could go on about the ridiculousness of everything, from the deep-south, Colonel Sanders-alike final boss to the romantic interest who loves you, betrays you, and loves you again, despite the fact you never refer to her as anything other than "that bitch" through out the entire game.

It's a short, fun, hilarious little game, and I probably had way more fun than I should have. I started it last night at 1 AM, and despite sleeping in, doing laundry and going out to lunch with friends, I finished it today before 5. I couldn't stop playing, I just needed to see what would happen next. How many games can I honestly say that about?

It may not be the highest quality game ever but I knew that going in. It exceeded my expectations and has a ton going for it. I give it a hearty recommendation.