Adam and Me.

This post is an email exchange between my friend Adam and myself.

First a little set up: Adam and I have different definitions of what is "good" is. We agree on some things (Shadow of the Colossus, Okami, Street Fighter), but he likes licensed and "baby" games. If it's got Transformers or it's made for an 8 year old, he's all about it.

Adam also hates the following things in games: First Person Shooting, aesthetic realism, mature themes or "war" games. Things like Call of Duty, GTA 4, Rainbow 6 Vegas, Halo 3 FarCry 2... Even though, for the most part, he's never given them a shot.

So when I mentioned I was looking forward to Battlefield 1943 and I concluded the email by pointing out a Ghostbusters theme was that is coming to Little Big Planet and even though he doesn't usually play LBP I knew this would get him interested, since it exploited his inner 8 year old... it started this email exchange.

ADAM: Ouch! Again with the low blows… Battlefield of Kill Duty Company 1943, huh? Sounds awesome. I bet there’s some sweet multiplayer, military-based shooting action with some vehicle driving thrown in to innovate the gameplay.

ME: Ooooooh, BUUUUURN.

Oh yeah, I meant to ask, how's that training bra that was packed in with "Banjo Kazooie: The Baby Game for Girls" working out for you? Not too snug? Just right? Just right for your pre-pubescent little girl boobies?*

ADAM: No way man! I threw it away! I let the suckers hang ALL OUT when I’m cruising along at two inches per hour in my multi-colored crayon mobile on my cotton candy Rare adventure. *guh-hyuck*

ME: Well, that's a relief. After that last dig, I thought you'd either laugh... or never speak to me again.

Anyway, I got to go take my testosterone injection in preparation for my big Call of Shootzone Bound to Honor War Machine 7 match tonight...

It's got all the best kills! Like the move where I place a bullet on the ground, then shoot a guy with bazooka in the nuts, grab his head, place his eye on the bullet, and stomp!

ADAM: Then don’t forget to tea bag him when you’re done…then call his mom a homo.

ME: Didn't I mention that when I put the bullet down, it's on top of a mirror, so i actually end up stomping his head into a mirror image of my crotch? And taped to my crotch is a picture of me in bed with his mom, from the previous night, when we had relations.

THEN, I teabag him.

ADAM: I figured as much…I mean that’s what you normally do right. The stinger is when you tell him that it was his grandma that was there taking the pictures.

*I don't actually think Banjo Kazooie is a bad game, it just happened to be what he was playing the previous night.